The Healing Powers of Patricia

She makes your heart palpitate with just one look, and the touch of her hair reminds you of cornsilk.  Except not really like cornsilk.  More like hair that someone dumped pancake syrup and molasses in sixty years ago and never washed out.  I'm talking about the beauty pictured above.  Patricia Borstelman.  She may be creepy and plastic and a doll, but baby girl knows how to kickstart a kegger and turn your frown upside down!

So imagine my delight a week after my first chemo round, when I opened up a very large package and discovered a dismembered Patrishkabob staring back at me with her electric eyes!  And right then and there, the wise words of Matthew McCaughnahey let me know that everything was going to be "alright, alright, alright!"

A brief historical note about Patricia Borstelman.  Legend has it that she was originally gifted to my Aunt Janien and her name was Carol.  But I was just a twinkle in my daddy's eye then, so this story will have to be verified by Aunt NeeNee.  I am pretty sure she was born in the 50s.  She then made a grand reappearance to Grandma Borstelman's basement on Christmas Eve in the late 1990s when the majority of the Borstelman cousins were in college.  And you know what Borstelman cousins liked to do in college.  Study. And maybe drink a little beer.  Although it could have been the other way around.  Drink a lot of beer and do a little studying.  Whatever the case, we had the coolest grandma in Ohio, because she would get a keg for Christmas (and get extra cases that she kept in roasters on the porch in case we ran the keg dry...and of course we ran the keg dry.)  And we would play full contact prison rules musical chairs.  And Patricia would preside over everything without any pants on.  It was during these early years that she became the crown jewel of the family.  As the years went by she began showing up at weddings and stealing the bride's thunder.  Hence the reason she is no longer allowed at receptions until 10:30.  She just has an innate ability to make even the grumpiest grumpy cat smile.

For instance, this past week was horrific healthwise for me.  The third round of heavy dose chemo did a number on me.  And by number I mean like a number of 7 bajillion 965 quadrillion.  I couldn't get out of bed, I had canker sores in my mouth, dry eyeballs, nausea, muscle spasms, aches, etc.  I wanted to be put out of my misery.  But as I shuffled out of my bedroom for the first time in days, I got the $h&% scared out of me in the middle of the night.  It was Patsy.  Just sitting in the chair staring at me with her flashing eyes and sporting her new doctor's lab coat.  It took a second to catch my breath, but then I smiled and told myself to "buck up buttercup," it will get better.  I had to get better, because we have two weddings coming up--and I don't want to miss out on a fun wedding game of "Patty Toss!"  (Patty Toss is a delightful little game where Patricia is tossed in to the middle of a dancing ring, and whomever catches her has to do a rumba, foxtrot, or twerk duo with her.)

So a big Thank YOU to Kristen Rausch and the fam for getting her down south.  I am sure the mailman thinks you are some sort of freak.  We have all enjoyed her company so much.  I caught the girls playing school with her yesterday.  Patricia was in the handwriting center.  But then I caught Patrish out by the pool with a margarita.  She's such a lush.