Buzzed

I went from butch to bald in one hot second.  Actually it took precisely 19 days after my first chemo treatment and WHAMMO, my hair came out.  Just like my hottie oncologist said it would.  It felt dead about a week after my first "red devil" chemo, and I could hear it "crunch."  I imagine it felt like what Christina Aguilera's bleach blonde hair weave must feel like.

My hair coming out was probably the most emotionally taxing issue I have dealt with thus far.  But not because I was going to be bald.  I couldn't care less about that because well, derby hats are adorable.  It was because I couldn't control it, and it was falling out so fast it was completely freaking me out and I wanted it gone.  Pronto.

I wanted to attend field day for Kate and Levi, my first grader and kindergartener.  That was a perk of having cancer, when I wasn't wasting away from the chemo, I was able to go to their school functions because I wasn't at work.  I knew my hair was starting to fall out pretty quickly, because my pillow was covered in my locks.  This girl just wasn't prepared for when it came out in the shower.  That was the horrifying part.  My arms looked like wookie arms.  Coated in my own highlighted tresses.  And it wouldn't come off!  It stuck to me like birthday cake and donut holes stick to my a$$.

I wrapped my head in a towel.  (Habit.  I still do this and I am completely bald.)  I proceeded to put  on my face and get ready for field day.  Then I took the towel off my head.  And I felt like throwing up a little in my mouth.  My receding hairline had receded all the way to the middle of my head. And there were bald spots everywhere.  And every time I touched my head, giant clumps would fall out.  Of course I couldn't stop touching my head and it was a big vicious circle, so I put on my stylish mom Merona dress from Target, a big hat, and hoped for no wind at field day.

Clay told me that he would just buzz my head.  He seriously thinks that because his sister is a hairstylist and that he could probably operate a Flowbee, it automatically makes him a professional.  However, I have seen his handy work.  And he is no Vidal Sassoon.  So I made him take me to Le Bijou salon in our neighborhood.  I just didn't want more hair all over the house AND a butchered and bloody bald noggin.  So my friend, Leslie, graciously buzzed my head.  For free.

But first we ate Burger King.  Because I have instituted a great plan of eating horrible fast foods and then associating it with bad things.  It has works like a charm.  Because any thought of a a burger makes me want to hurl.

But back to the buzzing.  It was so liberating.  I was a little teary during my Burger King meal because any sudden move and I would have hair everywhere.  So getting it off felt AWESOME.  Or ASSOME as my 1st grader spells it.  And when she cut my bangs I looked exactly like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.

Kate and Levi of course thought my bald head was hilarious, and Caroline hated it.  And voiced the fact that she hated it.  And continues to voice the fact that she hates it every.single.morning.

Sidenote.  It has now been about 5 weeks since I have gone cue ball, and I went to Levi's kindergarten celebration yesterday.  His teacher pulled me aside and told me that Levi told her I am sick and that I had a sick bug and that it is lice.  That is why I am bald.  Because nobody wants bugs in their hair!  She obviously knew what was going on with me, but thought it was hilarious when Levi was talking about my "head lice and hair bugs!"  So ASSOME.  The entire kindergarten thinks Levi's mom has lice.