And She Shall Be Called Kodiak

I just finished round number ten of chemo.  I like to call Taxol "baby chemo," because it is a walk in the park compared to the Adriamycin/Cytoxin.  The A/C would knock me out for a good 12 days.  Like being pregnant with a horrendous hangover plus the flu and the bubonic plague. Taxol just makes me really, really tired, but keeps me up all night with hot flashes, gives me neuropathy in my arms and legs, and makes me eat.  I'm talking eat like a sixteen-year-old football player during two-a-days.  Actually it is probably the bags of steroids that make me inhale food.  Whatever the case, I am none too pleased about it.  I have put on 15 pounds and am within four pounds of my giving birth weight.  It's like I swallowed two big bowling balls.  The first time I went in for chemo, the nurse looked right at me before she hooked me up and said, "Listen honey, just so you know, you aren't going to get skinny on this."  I should have believed her, but I didn't.  Because I wasn't eating a whole heckuva lot when I was sick.  But good Lord, you should see me now.

Two words.  Long Horn.  I am obsessed with eating the "Flo's Filet" off the Long Horn menu. I fail miserably at the cancer patient's vegan diet.  Because all I want to eat is steak.  I am a T.Rex with protein.  I seriously just googled "what is the largest meat eating animal" at midnight tonight because that is what I feel like.  The answer was a tie.  Between the Polar Bear and the Brown Bear.  Also known as the Kodiak.  So there you have it.  Kodiak Klausing.

So I think about being a fatso morning, noon, and night.  And I know it is dumb.  And I understand it is such a girl thing.  And I have WAY more serious things to be worried about.  Like dying.  But even though there is a real possibility of me croaking from this, I don't worry about it.  Because I could just as easily get hit by one of those shady meat trucks that sell steaks outta the back of them tomorrow.  So I exercise.  I wear my fitbit and track my steps.  And then I want to eat a cookie.  So I grow that double chin and eat a cookie like a mother....