Are You There God? It's Me, Jill

When I was in the 5th grade, our class had Nurse Knepley come in to the St. Paul Lutheran cafeteria to give us girls a talk about "menzstroooayshun."  We were horrified. Especially after a tampon was dunked into a glass of water to show us how it expanded.  We were even more aghast when she told us that the clinic had maxi pads in case any girl needed them.  Pretty sure we were all petrified of ever needing them because we had all read the Judy Blume classic, Are You There God?  It's Me, Margaret.  And the sanitary napkins mentioned in that book involved a belt that had to be connected to aforementioned pad.  No. Thank. You.  I would not be needing any of THOSE maxi pads.  I'm pretty sure none of us felt any better after watching a movie about "growing up" starring Aileen Quinn, the girl who played little orphan Annie in the original movie.  I remember thinking that this puberty business was not for me.  Or Annie either.  I liked her better tap dancing with Daddy Warbucks more than I did her as a junior higher telling me about armpit hair.    

That puberty lesson was round about 1986.  Thirty years later I was sitting in a chemo chair about to get a menopausal injection with a needle the size of a roofing nail thinking almost the same thing.  "This menopause business is not for me!"  And just like in the fifth grade, I was sent home with a pamphlet detailing all of the hormonal changes that were going to wreak havoc on this 40-year-old body.  Except this time I didn't hide the pamphlet in the back of my drawer like I did in my tween years.  I actually threw my menopause packet away, because, hello, we have the internet now!  I don't need to keep those papers to reference when I can reference WebMD!  

So why menopause, why now?  Because my cancer is hormone driven.  I need to have my estrogen supply turned off.  I had to have it turned off immediately so that I can prepare my body for a chemo trial I am going to begin after radiation.  I need to be in full 70-year-old grandma mode for it to work.  My oncologist has never done this before.  He said that there have been great results for this trial that was done in Japan.  But the participants were mostly Triple Negative Cancer patients.  And Japanese.  (Most young women are Triple Negative, I am not.  I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma ER positive.)  He brought my case to Moffitt Cancer Center to see if this would be a good thing to attempt.  He told me that often times doctors tend to want to "overcure" patients who are young, good looking, and fun.  I of course told him to "keep going"  with the compliments!  But apparently that is why he brought my case to Moffitt.  So the doctors there wouldn't know me, my family story,  or my face and could give an unbiased opinion.  At least that is what he told me!  I am sure he was just trying to make me feel better! 

So that is the plan.  I meet again with my medical oncologist tomorrow and start radiation on Monday November 28th.  Menopause side effects I am dealing with right now are hot flashes-- like trapped in a used Ford Fiesta with no a/c in August in Southwest Florida hot--a smidgen of irritability, getting fatter by the second, and joint pain.  Crazy joint pain.  I have never had achy joints.  But holy cow I feel like the President of the Arthritis Club of the World.  In addition to still trying to recover from my bilateral mastectomy.  That is still rough sledding.  But really, it is nothing compared to the man-cold that my husband is dealing with tonight!

Freezing up my injection site at the Cay West office where I had my chemo.  The needle had these pellets in them that send your body reeling into menopause.  But at least I don't need to use those maxi pads with the belts!